Menopause Before 40!

So I have recently let my OCD get the better of me and used Dr. Google to diagnose myself with early Menopause.

This is something my shrink strongly objects to.

I spend hours obsessively searching various different terms until I finally find a reason for my symptom … I also have Multiple Sclerosis (MS) … so my symptoms are frequent and strange. I can spend hours doing these internet searches. Sometimes it keeps me up into the wee hours. I get into a zone and other things, like time, cease to exist.

I woke at midnight on Monday after an epic 7 hour nap. MS fatigue sometimes does this to me. Well, when I woke up I had menstrual cramps. Yep it was my period on day 15 of my cycle. Meaning I just stopped bleeding 10 days earlier.

I’m 39 and have been trying to get pregnant for just over 4 years. I suffered a miscarriage two years in right after being told that we would never get pregnant on our own. So we figured it would happen again. Six months later when it hadn’t happened spontaneously … we went to the second fertility clinic where they told us that due to poor egg quality, sperm morphology problems and how long we had been trying for that there was less than a 2% chance of us conceiving on our own.

We decided not to follow-up on intervention methods and let the universe decide if it was supposed to be. Deep down in my heart I had no doubt that I would get pregnant again. We had beat the odds once, why not twice … I am supposed to have a baby. Surely the universe knows this is what I want and will make it happen.

I no longer think this…as I appear to be steadily approaching menopause.

I couldn’t find anything with Dr. Google as to whether or not a low egg reserve is a sign of perimenopause. In my mind though, it must correlate. I’m no doctor but it would seem to me that if menopause is when you stop ovulating because you are out of eggs. Then having a low egg reserve would mean you are closer to menopause.

Anyway, this led to me assess my symptoms. Starting with how long they had been going on for. To the best of my memory (which is sometimes a little foggy) I have had these symptoms, which started with night sweats prior to my period, for 5 or 6 years.

All the things I’ve found with Dr. Google tell me that perimenopause lasts about 7 years. I did find a few sites that said 10 years, but not that many.

My cycles have been getting progressively shorter since my D&C ( Dilation and Curettage) two and a half years ago. They went from a regular 26 day cycle, to anywhere from 18 – 28 days. The last few months have been 20 -21 day cycles culminating in a 15 day cycle.

Dr. Google said that two periods in one month is a common sign of perimenopause.

Although, I found a few things saying that irregular bleeding could signal pregnancy, I am not even considering this option. I’ve been crushed too many times by peeing on a stick. I refuse to put myself through that anymore!

Obviously, I need to go to an actual doctor to find out what is really going on. Hopefully until I do that I can keep the Google searches to a minimum.

I try my hardest to be a positive person. It doesn’t come naturally as I come from a family of pessimists claiming to be realists.

I do really try but when something is ending so much sooner than expected how are we supposed to deal with it? I definitely don’t feel ready. I wonder if anyone ever does?